update march 15

I feel much better that I got a day away from the stress, sadness, anxiety, etc. I have to say that I have had so many gifts from God. People showing up and offering their help, knowing I have no family here . They have done it out of the goodness of their hearts. I got to sleep 2 nights in a row while people came and sat with her. I am just taking it day by day. I just hired an agency to watch her 24 hours. I just can't do it anymore. Someone will come day hours and someone will stay overnight. Every day she changes so much. Last night she just was holding my hands and looking at me so sad with her eyes half open. She has a very weak voice now. She can't talk on the phone anymore and really doesn't have a reaction at all when I play the voicemails. I am not sure what she is getting. I feel she is half here now and half in another world. I have been crying a lot and also happy for her that she is going to leave this body and be out of misery. I feel good that I did everything I could for her and made her last years of her life happy. She loved it here and always thanked us for taking her in. On thanksgiving we would go around the table and say what we were thankful for and she would always say I am thankful for you for taking me in. She would say that she is so happy here. She loved looking at the lake. I also have to give a shout out to my husband , Russ. What a guy taking in his mother in law! It wasn't always easy but it just makes me love him more for what he did for my mom! I have no regrets.