Wednesday March 8th

Feeling so stressed today. Scheduling people coming here, taking care of Anna, watching her not getting better.Its really hard. Morning: Today she had a couple of sips of coffee with the chocolate ensure it in. A couple of bites of banana with some cereal. Had her nausea pill. The body care woman from hospice came and massaged her feet and cut her toenails. She was very nice. I took our dog to the vet while she was here. Lunch: It is so hard to think of things to give her. I thought of macaroni and cheese. I started making it, gave her the nausea pill to swallow. Immediately after swallowing the pill she started vomiting. She couldn't eat anything, went back in her room with some ginger ale and ice. After all this is happening , I realize I never took any of my pills and realized I have to go sit upstairs to focus on what else I was suppose to do today for my life. I am so consumed with what I should do for her, I am forgetting things I am suppose to do. Mediation really helps me feel better. Some of you have mentioned things to her that I am writing on here. She doesn't see these blogs. I am just doing this for everyone to know where she is at. I am thinking I should go to the store and buy her some pedialite, and maybe baby formula for nutrition. I was talking to my cousins Patty and Michele yesterday and Michele suggested pedialite. I haven't had a chance yet but maybe I will go out today and try that. She doesn't really like the taste of ensure. My friend Julie suggested crushing ice with the ensure to make it like a slushy . I might try that this afternoon. I don't know what else to do. She thinks of things she wants to eat and then as soon as she goes to put them in her mouth , the taste and smell make her sick and she can't eat it,when she does eat it is so little amount, about a teaspoon. I feel so bad for her. I think I might go take a bath. I am sorry these blogs are so sad but its our reality here.. I will tell a funny story if I can but not now. positive note: Patrick is coming and she is looking forward to that! I wish we lived closer so other relatives could come and visit. Anyone who wants to come is welcome to come here and stay... Let me know if anyone of you reading this would like my phone number.